As I write this blog I am filled with anger, anxiety, impatience and I feel defeated! I can’t decide whether I want to cry, throw a tantrum (like my children) scream or just throw in the towel! All of them sound suitable for the moment!
Today was rough! I have a 1-year-old. Most of you may know by now. And today she had absolutely no nap! Zero! As in nada! Not only did she drive me to insanity, but I believe she drove herself there as well! Her expressions made me suspect she was thinking the same, as she restlessly fought me off every time she threw her over-dramatic self to the floor! “I give up” I muttered to myself!
4 p.m. hit! And it felt somewhat like a hurricane! I simply lost my sh*t! I have no other words to describe. Afternoon school weeks are never easy, but today, by far, took the cake. It almost felt like someone was torturing me with fire, to say the least! “How did I get here” I thought.
Trying to multi task is not easy when your repeatedly helping two school grade children with homework! And if you have ever done 1st and 2nd grade homework, in this day and age, then you can totally relate! I mean, what are these people thinking? Not to mention a screaming toddler in your ear, all while trying to cook dinner.
For a moment, I bowed my head down, placed my hands on my forehead and for a second I could have sworn a tear fell! At least, I really wanted one too! “Maybe that will help? Just cry it out?” I thought.
“Are you ok mommy”? My 7-year-old asked, concerned. “Yes, I am fine sweetie” I answered. But in reality I wanted to jump out of the window.
It is 6:46 p.m. Luckily I was able to somehow, gently change her clothing into pajamas and lay her down for the night. My 1-year-old that is. I am typing shakily, at the thought of her awakening. I still hear her in my head. [high-pitched cries] Is it over? I wonder. Will she wake again? I pray for a good nights rest, because lord knows I need one!
My third beer in and the stress level is still high. “Tomorrow is a new day” I tell myself. Tomorrow will be better. Will it be?
Having kids can be difficult at times. And today is definitely one of those nights! So today I am not feeding you some thought-out bullsh*t blog. Today I am venting. For my sanity! For my peace of mind. Laying it all out. Why? Because it feels good!
And being a mother of multiple children is not easy! Being a mother period is not easy. But in the end it is so worth it.
Every sweat, tear, sob, insecurity, and doubt. Because you are a MOTHER! I am a mother! A mother who these babies depend on. You are the HERO! I am the HERO! And trust me, they are worth it.
Goodnight loves. And remember, you are NOT alone.