Last night my 7 year old and I were talking about her day at school. She is a shy girl. Very well mannered, kind to others and keeps the peace. She is not the type to backlash, like my 6 year old! Funny how different they all can be. But thats a different story.
Anyhow, we got into the topic of recess. We’ve discussed this time of the school day on multiple occasions. We all know, for most, this can be kids favorite. My daughters confidence is high, Id like to think, but she is quite shy, like I mentioned. So asking friends to play sometimes can be a challenge.
When we got around to talking about who she spent her time with, she mentioned something that made my “mommy temper” rise. Sky high! She looked down. Her hands were crossed and in her lap. She glanced up at me, I could see the sadness in her face. And feel her emotion. The rush of my anger was slowly going into effect! I could read her like a book! Moms know when our kids are upset.
She then told me she had asked two little girls on the playground if she could play with them. One said ” We are having a private conversation”! While the other shouted “Just go away”! Now, in this moment, I had two ways I could react. I could give unkind advice for her to say to those impolite girls! Or I could teach her how to take the high road. Kill em with kindness type of conversation. Which is exactly what I did.
It was not easy to keep myself from saying what was on my mind. One of the girls, she has mentioned before. And this was not the first time she has said some “not so nice” things. As I watched her talk about this, my heart slowly began to sank. Having empathy for my daughter, is what I felt in that moment. Thinking of the rejection and sadness my baby girl endured.
I turned to her, with her sister sitting there next to us. Both waiting for my response, gazing at me. I swallowed my pride. And the words flowed.
“There are people who are not always going to be nice. Some are mean, hurtful, and unaware of their actions. Those people, in this case, ( those two little girls) may not have the same accepting attitude as you do. But I can tell you….
You are beautiful, kind, independent, and selfless.”
I went on to say, “I only wish I had those same qualities. I would be a better person. We all admire your character and everyone around you appreciates it”. She hugged me tightly. I felt a small tear flowing down the side of my eye. I quickly wiped it away. Tucked them in, said their prayers, kissed them goodnight, and walked out.
As I type now, feeling the same hurt for her, remembering our conversation, I know everything I told her is the truth. She is unique in so many ways. There is a special presence about my oldest. She is a breath of fresh air. Her intentions are always heartfelt. And I, like many other moms, am proud of who my daughter is. As I am, of all my children.
I know this is not the last of many heartbreaks, not just for her, but for my other kids as well. There will be more pep talks. More situations where i am faced to hold my tongue. I am not naive to this. We live in a cruel world. But as her mother, It is my job to always lift her up. And I will continuously support, and find it in my heart, to try and find the right words to say. Even when its not so easy!
Ladies, we are our children’s role models. It is our job as mothers to teach them kindness, and respect for others. Raising children is not easy. There will always be bullies. Sometimes they are our own kids. But lets do our best to instill the confidence and goodness in their hearts.
They need that from us. Now and always.